Sitting among giant cacti. Watching the sun set. The silence almost otherwordly.
I hear some sort of bird flying by. It seems so out of place, as if it had lost its way in the world and ended up in the wrong landscape. I can’t see him but his song sounds familiar.
I’d swear it was a seagull.
Jonathan.
But, Jonathan doesn’t live in this desert place surrounded by rocks and hills and dirt. He thrives among the waves and sand. So, I know it can’t be him. It can’t be the friend that I would feed and coax and twirl with as my husband laughed at my childishness.
But could it be? His song is slightly weaker…or smaller. I don’t know.
Similar.
But different.
My only explanation is that God created a new creature in the desert that is a shadow of his ocean brother. They sing similar songs but soar in different worlds. They have the same purpose but stretch their wings in very different atmospheres.
I feel as if he is me.
A shadow of myself.
In a different world.
A different atmosphere.
With a familiar purpose
But an unfamiliar life.
I feel weaker…smaller…invisible…but I’m here. I didn’t expect to be. Here – I mean. In this dry, rocky and uncomfortable place. I didn’t see the change coming but I doubt it would have made a difference. The truth is that it just is. The question is, do I trust the one who holds both places together? Do I trust that He will teach me to fly again…even here? Do I trust that He will teach me how to survive and, maybe, thrive with a louder song and a deeper call?
I want to. I need to. But some days I just don’t. Some days I want to lay in the desert and let the sand engulf me until I blow away in the wind. But today, this brother of Jonathan has reminded me that love and beauty and hope live. I may not be where I feel I belong, but I am here…in this new place…and my options are sing or die. I have too much to live for to die. Yes…this world is not what I’ve known. It’s not even what I want. It’s hard and lonely. It’s dull and beige and lacking the joy I remember and crave. But, there is always the promise of new life when the creator is involved. And I have to believe he is involved. I have to remember. I have to stand on the truths that I’ve always believed and seen and experienced. The creator is here. In this place. With me. When I don’t want to be here. So…
There is hope.
There is life.
There is love.
There is a song.
Simply Me and Jeans 